Today, I acknowledge the time I have spent over the week. Paul Ehrlich, 241. 174. Nothing, they just waved. I feel great. The most important thing to remember when using positive affirmations is that it is all about how you feel. 237. If you were able to believe in Santa Claus for 8 -9 years, you can believe in yourself for at least 5 minutes. Its not important to win, its important to make the other guy lose. A gummy bear. Marriage is like a walk in the park, Jurassic Park. I will be the type of person I would like my children to become. What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? You are good enough, smart enough, beautiful enough, and strong enough. Inspiring Quotes About Life "Here, we like to keep you inspired by showing you beautiful words of wisdom based . Whether its because of a bad breakup or just feeling really down, there are ways to look on the bright side and come out on top. You can stop driving me crazy, I can walk from here. I focus on breathing and grounding myself. Youre just gonna feel embarrassed for a minute or two and then it will be over. I accept my body the way it is today. 10. I personally love watching masters of comedy captivate audiences with their dark humor and crafty punchlines. 8. 277. Im so good at sleeping that I can do it with my eyes closed. Youre basically a houseplant with complicated emotions., 11. It's why you may feel excinervous (aka excited and nervous at the same time). Just like every Monday does on Earth. 139. "After 30, a body has a mind of its own.". 206. 68. If only common sense were more common. It can get you out of a tight corner and people who lack a sense of humor cannot do. Always follow your heart, but remember to bring your brain along. Everybody wants to go to heaven; but nobody wants to die. 177. Get Love Tips Sent Straight To Your Inbox. What do you get when you cross a fish and an elephant? Next up is a collection of funny affirmations that will make you love yourself more. An apple a day keeps anyone a way, if you throw it hard enough. Yes, officer, I saw the speed limit, I just didnt see your car. Superwoman: single. Why was six scared of seven? "When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.". My six pack is protected by a layer of fat. Life is always easier with some humor, smiles, laughter and fun. 178. "Lord, keep your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth.". Hmmm, this text message is a little too harsh, Ill add LOL at the end. Bowling Alley: Please be quiet. I am at peace with my body and accept it as it is. 266. Today I was a hero. I bet giraffes dont even know what farts smell like. 189. - Unknown. If you have crazy friends you have everything youll ever need. 59. Im sorry that Im not updating my Facebook status, my cat ate my mouse. 194. 164. If people are talking behind your back, be happy that you are the one in front. Because someone is always sitting on the deck. - F. 209. I try to see the funny side of every situation. Your life is your message to the world. One thing you need to remember though; if you are going to be funny, then make sure youre actually funny. Read next: 45 Self-Compassion Affirmations to Practice when Feeling Low. I now pronounce you man and wife, you may now change your Facebook status. I didnt give a f*ck yesterday, I dont give a f*ck today, and I wont give a f*ck tomorrow either. I am way dumb than my mom keeps blabbering about me to the neighbors aunt. My mood swings keep life interesting. What do you call a bear with no teeth? Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow as well., 13. 155. 26. 7. Nothing, they just waved. Say your affirmations slowly and clearly. Seeing a spider in my room isnt scary. I see food, and I eat it. 270. "I am becoming humorous day by day.". If you think nothing is impossible, try slamming a revolving door. Cry a river. Sam Levenson 199. Ken Dodd, 255. They say dont try this at home so Im coming over to your house to try it. 211. Ben Hogan. 134. Enjoying this list of funny affirmations so far? Why couldnt the leopard play hide and seek? Your eyes water when you yawn, because you miss your bed and it makes you sad. 226. These kinds of things just come with the territory if youre trying to live a meaningful life. Learn sign language, its very handy. Dont forget to check out our post onlove yourself quotesandvision board quotesto attract positivity in your life. Some people are like clouds. I intend to live forever. Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? I am just making myself capable enough to live in the moment. I know that I am stupid but when I look around me I feel a lot better. Always follow your heart, but remember to bring your brain along. What better way to do that than through your own self-talk? Your values become your destiny. Im so good at sleeping that I can do it with my eyes closed. By waking up and repeating this mantra, you will set the tone for the day. I understand people talking about me. However, just saying these statements out loud wont cut it. 118. Never let a fool kiss you, or a kiss fool you. I love myself, which is why I dont need to love the idea of other people loving me., 12. 181. Discover short videos related to funny affirmations on TikTok. No matter how bad it gets Im always rich when I go to the dollar store. I love myself, which is why I dont need to love the idea of other people loving me. I thought you said extra fries. Sincerely, yourself. When and How to Let Them Know, How To Cheer Yourself Up When Feeling Down, 5 Things To Discuss With Your Partner Before Marriage, Funny Positive Affirmations For Self-Esteem, 50+ Powerful Positive Affirmations For Exams, 70+ Positive Affirmations For Teens From Parents. I deserve sugar, spice, and all things nice. I dont need a psychologist to dig into my personal life and ask me about all of my secrets, thats what my friends are for! It takes so little to change your life! 87. - TS Eliot. You can be positive and yet be funny and easy-going. 237. Ive made it from the bed to the couch. 72. Monday I shall slay thee with me mighty cup of coffee. 47. Let these funny affirmation quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day. Always remember youre unique, just like everyone else. Because so many kings and queens have been reigning there. 217. No No NOYes. I am thankful for all the problems I dont have. A mind is like a parachute. Positive Affirmations And Inspiring Quotes About Life Life is filled with highs and lows, sometimes, we need some inspirational quotes to help us overcome challenges of life and offer guidance to us. My son is now an entrepreneur. 185. "In life only one thing is certain, Friday will come.". 172. If I want a squirrel to like me, I guess I gotta act like a nut., 6. If you want to catch a squirrel just climb a tree and act like a nut. 259. I woke up with some aches and pains, but I woke up. 31. I want to afford them., 2. 215. The library, because it has so many stories. Granted, it can be challenging to write affirmations, especially if you havent done it before. 190. 99. 24. 8. - George Burns. I can have peace, even when people irritate me.. Czech proverb, 261. When you feel terrified (without your safety being in danger): 5. "Who you are inside is what helps you make and do everything in life". Honolulu, its got everything. You cant have everything, where would you put it? I keep moving forward even if my pants come off. Im in desperate need of a 6-month vacation, twice a year. I cant make everyone happy, Im not tequila. What better way to do that than through your own self-talk? 1. In between, I am alive., 7. Forget the butterflies, I feel the entire zoo in my stomach when Im with you. 1. Whoever said great things come in small packages hasnt seen my big screen TV. My farts aren't nearly as bad as my dogs'. If the funny affirmations that Ive put together dont break your cool, then feel free to throw on a comedy special on Netflix or Youtube when you feel stressed. - Jeffrey Gitomer. 200. I dont need you to remind me of my age at work, I have a bladder that will do that for me., 8. 176. 1. Happiness is a choice. Whenever I get back home, I lose all the superpowers that I had when with friends. The thing is, Im still getting ready. Dont worry if plan A fails, there are 25 more letters in the alphabet. Every day I become calmer and do more good for the world. You can also share them with your co-workers to put a smile on their faces. If Cinderellas shoe fit perfectly, then why did it fall off? Live life to the fullest. Its okay, he woke up. So put on your favorite song, take a deep breath, and say these affirmations during your next tough time for some much-needed positivity! 253. I am grateful for all that I have. A wishbone. 14. We all need a little energy boost here and there. Ann Landers, 244. I am grateful for the healing power of humor. Using affirmations can significantly impact your outlook on life, but saying such serious statements to yourself can often make you feel silly. 193. Bill Murray. Swimming trunks. To conclude this list of funny affirmations, heres a few that are specifically focused around work. 140. 175. Why is Monday so far from Friday, and Friday so close to Monday? My past is just a bad book that deserves to be in the trash. It may feel useless but just get into it. Diet rule #1: If nobody sees you eating it, it doesnt contain any calories. 210. I have no time to worry; I have to be awesome., 15. I will tell the negative voice inside my head to shut up. Just as importantly, you can benefit from laughter in everyday situations. Bill Gates. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, sharks for the wifes mother. Papercut: A trees final moment of revenge. Snowballs. 232. Are these genes in your jeans or are you just happy to see me? 193. Hi! 168. I live in a loving, nurturing, safe, and beautiful world. The dyslexic devil worshipper sold his soul to Santa. Laughter also has a social aspect, as its the perfect way to bond with people. I understand success cant happen overnight. Enjoy! 198. 223. Yeah, so is a grenade. How Do People Share The News About Their Engagements? If Monday had a face, I would punch it. 1. My friends are like rocks, they help me through hard times. 170. Whether its at other people or at ourselves, its good to laugh in life. Never let your best friends get lonely, keep disturbing them. 167. 9. Cell phones these days keep getting thinner and smarter; people the opposite. - Bob Hope. no rich foods. 272. I sometimes might be too much, but I am always enough. A committee is a group that keeps the minutes and loses hours. Sometimes when I close my eyes, I cant see. Over time, when you use these affirmations, your mind begins to equate new words with weight loss. 16. My silence spoke a thousand words, but you never heard them. So, you promise yourself from tomorrow on, youll be starting your days using affirmations. I am so worthy so that I am filling the life of people with fun and joy. I'm a peli-can! 262. I rescued some beer that was trapped in a bottle. I love living in my unique female body. 128. "If you're going to tell people the truth, be funny or they'll kill you.". Im not lazy, Im on power saving mode. My six pack is protected by a layer of fat. Youre just gonna feel embarrassed for a minute or two and then it will be over. If you see affirmations that say " I will, " " I used to, " or " I'm going to, " then this is NOT an affirmation. 171. I am healthy, I am wealthy, I am hot!, 14. Its scary when it disappears. My to-do list doesnt include dealing with negative people., 5. Giving up on myself because of one setback is like slashing my other three tires because one is flat., 10. You can simply try out one of our funny options, or think of affirmations that best match your sense of humor. Im going to stand outside, so if anybody asks for me, Im outstanding. Im multitasking: I can listen, ignore and forget at the same time. 26. Life doesnt have any hands, but it can sure give you a slap sometimes. Relax, its the weekend, just dont blink or it will be all over. 3. Go to bed with satisfaction.". 25. One of the most important aspects of affirmations is how authentic they feel to you. Charles M. Schulz. You might enjoy: Affirmations: 13 Answers You Should Know If nothing is impossible is it possible for something to be impossible? Every day is a gift, thats why they call it the present. 184. I should have theme music every time I enter a room. How can you not like someone who can make you laugh? Square box, round pizza, triangle slices, now thats confusing. This is a good thing because affirmations are supposed to be associated with happiness and positive emotions. Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker? 212. Yes, of course, I am athletic, I surf the Internet every day. Not saying I hate you, but if your face was on fire and I had a glass of water, Id drink it. I like my thoughts how I like my whiskey, always glass half full., 11. Jun 19, 2018 - Explore Jamie Hadland's board "funny/sarcastic affirmations" on Pinterest. Seeing a spider in my room isnt scary. - Christopher Reeve. A bald spot is like a lie, the bigger it gets the harder it is to cover it up. 81. 2. I will go out. 219. Everyone recognizes how positive emotions can affect attitude and overall health. 125. - Unkmown. 195. I am enough. Its time to be much more intentional about the words that we tell ourselves and take a step back from all of lifes noise. Those who snore always fall asleep first. 228. If you cant laugh at your own problems, call me and Ill laugh at them. The great pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do. Steven Alexander Wright 128. ~ Bill Gates. A mind is like a parachute. You might use humor as a coping mechanism. They planet. Nine out of ten people love chocolate, and the 10th person is always lying. An apple a day keeps anyone a way, if you throw it hard enough. When I grow up to be a parent, my children will think the same about me. Check out our funny affirmation selection for the very best in unique or custom, handmade pieces from our encouragement cards shops. It doesnt work if it is not open. My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do. "Have a great Wednesday. You definitely dont want to kill the vibe by throwing a bad joke out there! I did it! Im sorry, but thats just the way I am. Heres a list of funny affirmations that will improve your mood instantly. I am stepping out of my comfort zone, no matter how small the step. Its scary when it disappears. 22. 220. 148. 213. I tried looking at the bright side of life, but it hurt my eyes. 276. I hope you enjoyed this article on funny affirmations! Gravitation cannot be held responsible for people falling in love. I'm doing great. Build a bridge. I would have appreciated exams if they had allowed our Pokemons and Ninjas. Mind blown! Let us know which of these motivational affirmations inspired you the most. Youre not tequila., 5. If you think women are the weaker sex, try pulling the blanket back to your side. Of course, I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice. You wanna know who Im in love with? 4. Silence is golden, unless you have kids, then silence is just plain suspicious. You can only be young once. 96. I dont need anger management, you just need to stop making me angry. 18 Funny Positive Affirmations. For the best seat in the house, youll have to move the dog. 1. These funny ideas are smart and a bit sarcastic and will bring a smile to your face. 104. 105. All rights reserved. 229. I am grateful for that time. 75. How do astronomers organize a party? Consider what you want to accomplish using these witty affirmations, and go for the ones that will bring you closer to that goal. 197. No matter what a mess I am, my kids adore me. 173. 52. I used to have winter fat but now I have spring rolls. Im not running away from hard work, Im too lazy to run. People only rain on my parade because they are jealous of my sun and tired of their shade. Smiles are contagious, be a carrier. I could agree with you, but then wed both be wrong. Lazy people fact #2347827309018287. "I receive what I believe.". 62. A wishbone. happy. Bill Murray 186. 170. Hello little voice inside my head, please just shut up. 100. Im sorry that Im not updating my Facebook status, my cat ate my mouse. 147. My silence spoke a thousand words, but you never heard them. With a cowculator. Chris Rock I am capable of rewriting my grievances and transforming my fears. A quote to live by for when life gets bitter. Rodney Dangerfield, 198. My mistakes dont define me. So, watch your words, restructure your thoughts, and stay positive if you want to see a change in your life. I solemnly swear that I am up to no good. Lifes biggest struggle: I need to pee, but I dont want to get out of bed. 8. My jokes do. 154. I am changing all my useless things into something productive by working on them. 22. Description for this block. ". Then perhaps youd find value in these articles on how to write affirmations and the benefits of affirmations. 208. Explore the latest videos from hashtags: #affirmations, #affirmation, #funnyaffirmation, #dailyaffirmations, #affirmationsoftheday, # . Maybe Monday doesn't like you either. Why was six scared of seven? I just go normal from time to time. Whats the difference between a guitar and a fish? 184. 275. And get over it. What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed? 20. 224. Does it count if you say them in your mind? 3. May your coffee be strong and your Monday productive. 230. Given below are some short quotes to tickle your funny bone. Doing nothing is hard, you never know when youre done. 115. 112. What we say not only affects our lives but also has an impact on those around us. 225. 1. Steven Alexander Wright. Not a peli-cant. Positive Daily Affirmations for Women. Its what it is supposed to be, dont overthink and let it go. Awesome things will happen today if you choose not to be miserable., 7. Dont worry about those who talk behind your back, theyre behind you for a reason., See also: The Best List Of 130 People Talk Behind Your Back Quotes. Youre talking to yourself. And their purpose certainly isn't to minimize hard feelings. East. 4. Can February march? Why did the school kids eat their homework? Life doesnt have any hands, but it can sure give you a slap sometimes. 127. Dont drink to forget me, youll end up seeing me double. Opportunity does not knock, it presents itself when you beat down the door. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); Should I Send My Child to Therapy? - Billie Burke. 156. Your words become your actions. 166. The following is the list of some humorous affirmations for you: I am doing all the amazing things because I am an amazing human being. You can also think of your affirmations while you work, drive, do yoga, or simply enjoy time with friends. 72. They make you change without hurting your self-esteem. The early bird catches the worm, eats more and dies sooner. 92. But this shouldnt be a problem, as you can come up with your own humorous affirmations. IRS: Weve got what it takes to take what you have got. Not me, but somebody does. Even on my worst day, Ive still got 24 hours., 6. 163. Be careful when you follow the masses. 142. The future is shaped by your dreams, so stop wasting time and go to sleep. I am joyful for achieving the ones I did. 48. Dave Barry. 5. Why cry for someone when you can laugh next to someone else? 188. I asked my North Korean friend how it was there, he said he couldnt complain. Be kinder with yourself and change your thoughts for better health (physically and emotionally). You may have people laugh at you instead of with you. 153. Im full of funny ideas waiting to be expressed. I dont like morning people, or mornings, or people. 2. 38. Don't forget to be awesome. Well, life isn't just about glitz and glamour nor rainbows and butterflies. Here, we are listing down some awesome funny positive affirmations that will bring out serious positive changes in you. 'Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.'. Everyone brings happiness to this office. Not me, but somebody does. I dont suffer from insanity. Waiting until the movie starts to eat your popcorn, hardest thing in the world. If you just want to keep reading, then heres some affirmations about the funny side of friendship. 199. I wonder, do we lazy people go to heaven or do they send someone to pick us up? 2. You know you are lazy when you get excited about canceling your plans. Focus on the positives and be grateful. Today, I choose to put on my positive pants. 7. Revenge sounds so mean, thats why I prefer to call it Returning the favor. "I was Christmas shopping and ran into a guy on the street. What do computers eat for a snack? Here's some short funny affirmations that will hopefully brighten up your day. What do computers eat for a snack? 242. 122. If youre hotter than me, then that means Im cooler than you. Choose a job you love and youll never have to work a day in your lifebecause that field isnt hiring. The world needs people like me to keep things interesting! Work smarter, not for owning iPhones, but for not fearing their breaks., 3. Robert Bloch. Life always offers you a second chance. Im still gonna do dumb stuff, only slower., See also: 90 Inspiring & Funny Quotes About Ageing Gracefully, 8. How can you not like someone who can make you laugh? What is the difference between snowmen and snowwomen? I am so f*cking awesome. Without further ado, let's look at 20 funny affirmations to build your self-esteem. 1. 261. I am on a seafood diet. 92. It doesn't make sense to dwell on things you can't do anything about. I will never let anyone treat me like a yellow starburst. Excuse me, I need to go be awesome today. Decomposing. 21. Whether youre saying the affirmations aloud or writing them down, laughing along will only strengthen their effect. 145. I always carry a knife in my purse, just in case were having cake. I draw from my inner strength and light. To the guy who created imaginary numbers in math: I hate you. "If you see me talking to myself. Affirmations are a powerful tool to overcome self-sabotaging thoughts and boost your self-esteem. 236. 79. I wasnt mad, but now that you asked me 7 times if Im mad.. yes, Im mad! 202. As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in schools. Trust me, your secrets are safe with me and all of my friends. 217. I often wish I was someone else Just so I could hang around with someone as awesome as me. And a funny bone. My cankles will hold me. I dont need a hair stylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning. 147. 117. If you think nothing is impossible, try slamming a revolving door. 114. 271. 47. 158. He who laughs last didnt get it. 77. The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one. My past is just a bad book that deserves to be in the trash., 9. 6. Keep your affirmations in the present. Also read: 50+ Powerful Positive Affirmations For Exams. I am my childs greatest comfort. I see the funny side of life more and more. 152. My diet for today: 1% food, 99% Halloween candy. Life would be tragic if it werent funny too. 1. I am not only pretty but also pretty awesome, pretty smart, and pretty kind. 243. 9. I have a new hairstyle today, its called I tried. A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing. Friday Affirmations. 124. Im amusing and make the people around me happy. Best friends eat your food. My jokes do. Even if you dont consider yourself a funny person, you should never be afraid to express your unique humor. Common sense is like deodorant, those who need it the most never use it. If I am willing to go back to bed when I wake up, I will go and make up the bed.